I am a lot better today, but this last 3-4 days, especially Saturday have been a doozy with my mood.
Normally, I am a pretty mellow person. I let things ride. I don't usually get worked up too bad.
I have no one to blame but myself, because I forgot that I have no one to please but God!
I have let little stressors turn me into someone you would want to avoid.
Up until the last month when we listed our house, I was ok with dealing with the lack of water situation. I took it in stride. I handled it well. To make myself willing to sell our house and land I have had to focus on the negative. My situation did not change, but my attitude sure did. Now it is depressing to live here and I am stressing about if we ever sell and where will we live if we do.
Also, since our house is for sale, that means attempting to keep it clean enough to show. Which a 1200 sq ft house with 7 people is so hard to keep clean. I don't want to go through 3 hours of cleaning like I did the other day when we showed it.
Add to that the lack of a support system. I can't remember who all reads this blog, but I will just say the truth. We have had very minimal support for our adoption.
There were 6 people waiting on us when we got off the plane from Ethiopia My husband Aaron, our daughters, Madelyn, Natalie, and Hannah, my Mom and a friend Sandra. That is it. There were no announcements at church that we had our children home. There was nothing in the bulliten about us becoming parents again. It seemed to be swept under the rug. A handful of friends were excited enough to even come and look at the boys when we came to church.
I compare us to others too much. I see other people's blogs where they had 40-50 people waiting for them, so excited for them. I see where their church is praying for them, helping them, supporting them, encouraging them. We just never had that. We had more questioning... Why do you keep going? Why that country? and the best "well, you got what you wanted, are you happy now?"
So I feel like I am on my own. But that is crazy because of who we do have supporting us. And that is God! Again, I forgot who I needed on my side and who didn't matter.
I have no close friends. Again, something we are hoping to remedy with our church change.
We are "weird" because we homeschool. (I know God is on my side with that)
We are "weird" because I don't want to work fulltime (the first year we lived here, you wouldn't believe how many people would come up and tell me about full time jobs that were available)
I let this all get to me. And I was a bear, let me tell you. Hopefully, I am over that. Still stressing, but praying that God will work out the details. Praying for a friend that has the same values I do. Praying we sell our house and a bigger one, happens to come available at the same time that we can afford. Praying that I will have more patience with the kids and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy instead of stressing so much.