I read this quote in a book I read this week. And it convicted me that I have been trying to rush, rush, rush this adoption process. Truly, it has been like I have been pregnant since March 2007 when we started.
When you start the adoption process, you are excited, because you know (or at least think you know) that soon you are on your way to another child. Then the country closes and it is a sad time because you have to change routes and you know that it is going to require starting paperwork over and it is going to push the adoption months farther away.
After working like crazy and getting the second country dossier done, and getting on the waiting list, you find out that it is closing too.
Then after losing so much money, you have to wait until you are financially ready again, which like anything, takes longer than you thought it would. Things come up, dental work needs to be done, the hospital census goes down and I get cancelled over and over.
It is hard to keep the excitement up for 3+years. When you are pregnant, noone blames you for thinking about the baby every day. People are excited for you, you can SEE that the baby is growing and that you are getting closer. With this adoption process however, I feel like we have been on a journey for 3 years, we aren't any closer to the goal. So how do you stay excited for something for that long? I find the excitement almost depresses me because I see the long journey and the fact that we have had to push it farther away, month by month. Will it ever happen????
I keep going back to a scene in Poltergeist. A terrible movie that I watched when I was a child and shouldn't have ever seen. Anyway, I remember a part in the movie where something is after a lady and she is in her hallway, trying to run to the door of the room at the end of the hallway, and although she is running like crazy, the door gets farther and farther away instead of closer. I am that lady.
The other day, which I thought was awful coincidental, I get an email from the agency we are going to use, asking if we are still planning on adopting. I emailed her back and said yes, we should be out of debt this month and starting in July. I also told her that our homestudy was completely done, we were just waiting until we applied at the agency to get the final signatures and dates on it and send it in. Here is the strange part - About an hour after emailing her back, I checked email and our social worker who is not affiliated with the agency, emailed me to ask if I had ever sent her our medical forms and our financial statement, because she was waiting on them to finish the homestudy. Neither of these ladies have I talked to in months and they both email within an hour of each other.
By the way, I had forgotten about the forms for the homestudy. I try not to think about the adoption most days, if I can because, since I can't speed it up and we aren't out of debt, we are not going to start, and it is too painful.
So I emailed the agency lady back to let her know that I had accidentally not told her the truth about the homestudy and also to ask if she could send me the Ethiopian dossier medical forms and financial statements so we would only have to go to the doctor once and so that our financial forms would match. She sent them and that was nice. I feel like I can at least work on something and be a little ahead when we start. Yes we will be slightly ahead of most when we do start. Most people apply to an agency and then start with their homestudy which can take 3-6 months. We will have already have a finished homestudy.
However, I am still praying God's will in all of this and not my will. And that brings me back to the title of this blog post. God is neither late nor early. I think we are 3 years late on this adoption, but I have a big feeling that God knows we are right on time. God knows that Aaron decided not to start again until we are debt free. You know we would have been debt free last month if I hadn't had to have $2500 worth of dental work last fall? And still have some more to be done, but have been putting it off until we can pay cash? I have no doubt when our child comes into our home, I will thank God for the pain of the wait. I know I will, but right now, I want to scream and cry and say enough already! Let's get this show on the road!