Aaron and I have a ministry out of our own home. It is to raise our 5 children to be on fire for God. To be more than church attenders and good people. Our ministry is to school our children. Our ministry is to raise as many children as we can. Children who would have no hope without parents and a family. I have realized that part of this ministry is to pay off our debt so we can adopt again, which requires me to work a lot.
At this time in my life, I have a lot going on. I realize that we could all say that.
I have 5 children.
I am homeschooling these children.
We are starting to get full swing into fall soccer.
And back to our ministry. We both realized that with all this debt hanging over our heads....leftover from the adoptions, house repairs, and our car...that we can't adopt again or help any more children until it is gone.
Why, because I would have to work even more if we added more adoption debt to what we already have. Probably full time, which I could get in 3 12 hour shifts a week, which leaves me exhausted for the rest of the week. And very stressed out and irritable. Aaron and I dream of how nice it would be for me to only work 3 days a month ( which is my minimum) and be home the rest of the time. With time and mental energy to relax and enjoy life instead of stressing so much. If we get rid of this debt I and fundraise for the next adoption, I should be able to work minimal hours.
Here we are to the point of all this...
I don't need another thing to stress about. I don't need another responsibility. And when I tell you nicely, that I don't want that other responsibility, don't ask me to do it again. And when I tell you nicely again, that I am not taking over that other responsibility, don't call on a Saturday, put my husband on the spot (who was there BOTH times I said no) and wrangle him into doing it, thereby wrangling me into doing it.
Do you realize that I have 2 45 min sections of time every week, that I can sit down, listen to a Bible lesson, with people my own age, and mingle with Christians my own age and NOT have a child in my lap or trying to get my attention and distract me from worship and study. THAT IS IT! 1.5 hrs a week for this if you count Wed. night and Sun. morning .
Unlike all the retired people at church, all the people whose children are teens and can take care of themselves for a few hours, all these people could easily have friends over to their house for uninterrupted chat time or Bible study or supper. We can't! And I am not complaining that we can't. I love a big family. However, esp. on Sunday mornings, that 45 min that I sit in class without interruptions, after getting 5 kids ready for church and driving 20 min. is such a blessing to me.
And someone wants to take that away from me. Ahh!
I know that it isn't as personal as I am taking it, but AHHH!!!.
So Sunday morning, instead of looking forward to going to worship and class, I had to pray and bite back bitterness and irritability.
That apparently, you can't politely tell anyone no.
I don't like this position I have been put in. Someone asks nicely. I, knowing that while we are paying off this debt, I am stressed to the max, that I can't handle 3 year olds on Sunday morning and I really do need that 45 min. class. So I tell him no.
The next week, because the teacher is late again, perhaps not showing up, he asks again, I tell him no again.
And then 2 weeks later, he calls the house on a Saturday, asking Aaron to fill in the next day, and being put on the spot, Aaron says yes.
I don't know how to say NO again without being rude. And I feel mad because I have been nice twice and he won't take NO for an answer and I know that next time when I am rude, then I will look and feel bad, when if he would just take NO for an answer I wouldn't be put in this position.
Seriously, what makes you continue to ask the person at church with the most kids to teach over and over when they say NO?