Next stop China

Next stop China
Next Stop China!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Bitter and Stressed!

Remember we have no water in our house. Nothing for about 6 weeks. We are getting by. A trip to Mom's every day to take showers and a 65 gallon tank in the garage in which we fill up jugs to wash hands or take a home "bath". Rain barrels that we use to flush toilets.
I am trying really really hard not to be bitter. Bitter at the county we live in, which promised city water many years ago. Bitter at the county commissioner (who is no longer there) who promised us last year that we would have city water by September this year. At this point, I HATE this county and want to move out, I don't trust them. I don't necessary Hate the people, but I do hate how they have treated us and this situation.

We have some great friends who are going to let us live in an empty house they have very cheaply. And I appreciate that so much. But it will still be hundreds more a month when you count paying small rent, water bill, 2nd utility bill, phone bill, etc. Just when we are trying to pay off adoption loans. Yes, all 7 of us will have to get by with one toilet. But at least the toilet flushes on its own, right? And I can get up and take a shower BEFORE leaving the house instead of dressing in dirty clothes and driving across town.

I don't know, when I think about moving into that house, while we still have this one, my head almost explodes. I have tried and tried to be excited. I have tried and tried to be so so. But I am having trouble being anything but bitter and stressed.

Can I make a confession....I think I would rather stay in this house, hauling water, etc. than have two houses to worry about....

Aaron has been out of town since Sept 28th. That is not helping. I am so thankful for the extra money he is making, but it is still hard. The house finally came open AFTER he left town.
Aaron is convinced that things will be easier once we move over there and we will be thankful to move. And I think he is probably right. However, that will happen AFTER we move, not while we are moving.
Yesterday after church I came home and napped. The boys and Natalie were taking naps at Mom's apartment, so I just had two kids with me. So I start packing stuff we would need at the new house. Fill up what little room we have in the van and took stuff over. We ended up skipping church last night and all of us, Mom and all 5 kids went over there. And for an hour I cleaned with the help off and on of the girls. And I just got more and more stressed.

Thinking...tomorrow I have to do school, by the time that is over and I have a chance to move more things it will be the boys naptime, then when naptime is over, it will be time for soccer, then when soccer is over it will be bedtime and there is another stressfilled day in which I blow up at the kids and stay on the verge of tears.

And then Tuesday, the same thing. Then Wednesday, same thing except church instead of soccer. Then Thursday, same thing. Then Friday, we have coop from 9-1:30, then naps, then etc.. On and on and on. All by myself.

So, I have made a decision. Who knows I might change my mind in an hour since I am feeling that stressed and crazy. But I will pack all day long here at our house. But I am not going to think about the other place until Aaron gets home. Yes, I had wonderful wifely dreams about having someone help me and have everything that we needed moved in while Aaron was gone. He could come home without having to worry about that etc. But now I realize that aint happening. He will be lucky to come home with me and my sanity intact.

It would be one thing if we had this house sold. I would see moving into this other house as a blessing. To be able to live somewhere cheaply while looking for another house would be wonderful. Perhaps it will still happen. But to have to keep up 2 houses is so depressing I want to scream.

So, starting today, the other house will not be in my mind. I will pack here if I get a chance and go through and sort stuff, things that need to be done anyway. But I will not, can not try to move with 5 kids, while homeschooling, in the midst of soccer season, with my husband out of town. I CANNOT do it.
I will keep the status quo of taking dishes, laundry to Mom's. I will ask a friend of ours to refill out 65 gallon tank again, sinceout rain barrels are empty.
I will enjoy living on the most beautiful piece of land in Alabama, just a little bit longer without constant thoughts of how we have to leave it because the county will not spend money (that has been granted them) to put water on our road.

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