I just woke up a few minutes ago, so this blog post might be a little crazy and it may still be the sleep talking.
Here is my dream...
Part of this dream I was walking around in a hospital gown, which I guess should have clued me in. I was looking all around the rooms for my bag of clothes I had brought, so I could take a shower. It had been a week or two since I had been there/worked and the clothes had been moved.
While standing there talking to some of the ladies I worked with, all of a sudden I had a flashback to a few weeks prior.
In my mind I went through an entire birth scene where I had given birth to a baby girl, then they had whisked her away. And I thought " I just gave birth a week or two ago...I have a baby!" For some reason I had forgotten.
And in this dream, I broke down in front of the other nurses, screaming that I had a baby and I didn't even know when exactly she was born, that I didn't know if she was ok, that I had only held her once and she didn't even have a name!
In my mind, I went through all the excuses as to how in the world I could have forgotten that I had a baby out there. I kept thinking "maybe I was too busy, maybe I was thinking about work,...Etc"
It was an awful feeling. One of those dreams that feel so real that you wake up feeling mentally horrible.
So in my dream, I finally found my purse through my tears and went to find the Montero. I went through 3 different parking lots, because I couldn't remember where I had parked it. The whole time I was running through the parking lot, sobbing and trying to punch numbers into my cell phone to call Aaron to remind him of our baby. Then I was trying to think of the number to the hospital where they would have taken her to tell them that her mom was on her way, but I couldn't ever remember the number.
Finally I found the Montero and there were about 6 mechanics working on it, it was all taken apart. And there sat Aaron in the parking lot with the other kids, watching the car being fixed while in the van. I jumped in the van and spilled out the story of our baby girl. By this point I was hysterical.. "she's probably in foster care by now, they think I have abandoned her, she doesn't even have a name, what in the world is going on with the Montero?"
Aaron showed me how he had everything fixed on the Montero at once and it was a bill of $12,000. AAAHHHHH!!!! He was so proud that he had thought to fix it all. I was thinking how he could be thinking of staying here watching the Montero be fixed and spending that much money on that when our baby was not with us.
Then I woke up...
Ok, here is the interpretation that came to me right after I replayed the dream in my mind.
Isn't this happening to millions of Christians every day?
I have seen estimated anywhere from 147,000,000-163,000,000 orphans in this world today.
Does God not have a plan for each and every one of them.?
In my mind, there are 147,000,000 Christians that get up every day and go on with their lives and don't even realize that their child was born 2 weeks ago, 2 months ago, 2 years ago, etc.
How can they not realize that their child was born???? Is it because they are "too busy" to read study the Bible and realize that God commands all of them to take care of orphans?
Can they not go and get the child because they spend too much on material things, like Aaron fixing the Montero when it was running already?
Even worse, are they happy with their lives the way they are and even though there is a child that God ordained for their family, they would rather pretend it doesn't exist and let foster care, an orphanage, or the street take care of their child?
Are they figurativly sticking their fingers in their ears screaming "I can't hear you, I can't hear you" when they read what God says in the Bible about taking care of orphans.
Then I thought.."Karen is this dream for you too?"
Did I just have a little girl born not too long ago? Is there a baby that needs me to claim it and name it? Is that why I didn't have any pregnancy symptoms in my dream?
Yes, we plan to adopt again. When, I do not know.
The girls are ready. surprisingly, after being SO NOT READY just a few months ago, I think I could start the process again tomorrow. I told Sue at our adotion agency a few months ago, while she was doing her weekly CHAT she does with Ethiopian adopters, when she was joking with me that it was time for us to adopt again, that we were for sure wanting to adopt again. I told her Aaron says a few years, but I thought that it would be sooner, but I was going to let God let Aaron know.
The girls and I were looking at the waiting child list at our adoption agency the other day. There was the cutest little 4 year old boy that we all fell in love with. The girls were like "can we get him?"
I told them, there are a few things that must happen before it would even be possible to even start again.
#1 we need a bigger house. Not just because we "want" more room. No, there is no way we would get a homestudy approved living where we are now, with 4 kids sharing one room and Ethan sleeping in the living room. Hopefully we will buy a house soon...I am hoping today.
#2 we have to get our tax return back and pay off the last adoption. Even with the HUGE tax return we will be getting this year, it won't pay everything off. But we should have it paid off soon after, I hope. We are supposed to have our return by April 17. We filed in February, but since we had adoption in our taxes, we had to paper file and because it is such a large amount we are getting back, I think the IRS is going to take it's time.
But God knows what we need and all in His perfect time! And God knows who He plans for this family and who knows, maybe she was born just a few weeks ago. Be neat to find out in the next year or two.