If you have ever been to my house, you know it. And really, it doesn't bother me. I don't see mismatched stuff, I don't mind sheets that don't match, or paint that doesn't, or bare walls, or walls with slanted pictures. I DO have a problem with clutter, which I am constantly battling. With a school in our house, it adds to things we have to store while not doing school, but you also want them accessable. And I can't stand to have my table and countertops covered in the kitchen. I feel so much better when dishes are washed, the counters are wiped and the table is clean.
I don't normally notice my non matching, undecorated house until I go to someone elses that is perfectly decorated. Look at my blog, same old same old. I am all about function.
Why am I bringing this up. I don't know, just sitting here, reading some blogs in between reading a book while my snail-like dialup internet loads. The thought just entered my mind that if things go as our agency thinks, we will probably have 2 infants in our house in 4 months-6 months. Hard to believe. Have I done much to prepare? Not really.
I did go out in the garage one day when it was pretty out, opened the doors and went through a ton of boxes, and got rid of a lot.
I am pretty laid back about things. However, these are the things I do worry about nowadays and I know I need to trust in God to provide.
1. Let's see, I need to make as much money as possible to give us a buffer/pay for adoption before the babies get here...Aaron has forbid me from working 12 hour shifts once they get here. 2 babies for 12 hours = insanity
2. When the babies get here, if we don't get any monetary help with our adoption we will not only have multiple adoption loans to pay every month, but we will also have to buy formula for 2 babies and diapers for 2 babies. Which actually means I will need to work more? But then Aaron will want me to work less? I will have more demands at home and less sleep and then I go crazy being pulled in so many directions.
3. Let's not forget I am responsible for schooling a 1st, 3rd and 4th grader. Oh yeah, fitting that in too.
Yes, I am tremendously blessed. I don't want to sound complainy, but money is going to be due soon.
If you only knew how I beg God every night to prompt someone to help with our adoption. If we had it paid for, we could focus more on diapers and formula and hugs and kisses.
The only thing I can go back to is we are doing what God commands.
Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, "But we knew nothing about this,"
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?
We know about the orphans and we aren't looking the other way.
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need, but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
We are giving our home, lots of money, and our family to keep these children from growing up without a family
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
I am interested in giving these children parents.
Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good it is? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead
Planning on clothing and feeding them, keeping them warm and loving them.
So I read these verses and I know that God knows exactly how much money we make, how we need to pay so much money and very soon. How we will have approx. $23,000 due when we get our referrals. How we will probably spend up to $5000 to go to Ethiopia for the court day approx 6 weeks after that. How we will probably spend another $2000-$4000 6 weeks later to bring our babies home. He knows how much it will cost, how much our loans will be, and I pray every night that God sends some money for us, some how. Someone who perhaps can't adopt, but can still help an orphan by helping them have a home. Anyone?????
So tonight I am a little stressed. I pretty much work 12 hours each Saturday. I could work 3 12 hour days a week, then have school 4 days a week, or just do 2 12 hour shifts and school 5 days a week. Since we won't be taking more than a few days for Christmas break from homeschool, we can swing that easy. It is hard to be away from home that much and I miss the girls a lot. I have to be at work at 6:35 and usually get home between 7:30 and 8pm. I was hoping to get in 3 12 hour shifts this week, but I have been sick since Sunday and that probably hasn't helped my mood or outlook on life. Been real weak with this cold and tire easy. However I am hoping to turn a corner tomorrow, since I see much improvement every day. I am not blowing my nose constantly and you could probably recognize my voice again.
Thanks for reading my pity party. Hopefully, I will be full of faith and optomism tomorrow. No matter, I know without a doubt, these children will be such blessing and worth all of it. Still can't wait to see who they are, what they look like, will they be boys? or both? Hate waiting, but so glad the waiting is almost over.