This weekend started off bad..And got worse...but then got better...
Friday, you can read about my root canal and having my bill increased by $400. On a good note, although it hurts for any food to be chewed on that side of my mouth, it doesn't hurt constantly and I haven't had lortab since Friday night.
Aaron went and rented a machine Friday night in hopes that it would bring something very vital to living in our house back up to working better. The people to help who live over an hour away agreed to come and help him with this. He also spent $75 on some equipment at Lowe's and then renting this machine from 40 min. away. They people show up Saturday morning and the machine that worked fine on Friday night at the business will not start. I had to leave the house to take the girls somewhere and had to leave poor Aaron alone in this. A couple hours later I get a text message reading "we are officially cursed"
Machine wouldn't start, the men had made the drive for nothing, but agreed to come back and didn't charge us.
So, Saturday afternoon was a day of wondering why even simple things in our life wouldn't work well. I just won't get into it all. But Aaron took the machine back early this morning and they didn't charge for it, since they couldn't get it started either. Aaron and I had Saturday afternoon alone to be angry, be sad, and wonder why in the world things weren't working at all, almost like things were working against us.
I wouldn't say I was angry at God, just very frustrated. In my heart I know that God is on our side. I guess we just want a break. Tired of the lack of encouragement from our church family, saddened by the discouragement, and missing having friends and inviting people over because of trying to get this thing at our house fixed. Lonely for a more than a church, wanting a family. Having practically no one to vent to.
Aaron ended up working 12 hours yesterday. The girls and I went to church and someone handed me an envelope to open when we got home. Well, it had a check for $100 and a note for us to use it any way we needed to help us get the boys.
And that there is the answer to my 4 year old pray. We had sent out letters to some old friends and church family probably a year ago asking for financial help and heard nothing. Nothing at all. Again, making us feel more alone. Here is the thank you note I gave them last night and I think it says how we feel.
Aaron and I want to thank you for your generous gift you gave us this morning. For almost 4 years I have been praying almost nonstop that God prompt someone, anyone to help us with our adoption. To let us know that someone cared too. I can only assume from this, that God whispered in your ear that we needed encouragement.
Your gift will not only ease some of the burden monetarily, but even more, it has helped us emotionally, to know that other people we know care about the orphans. Care enough to act.
I won't go into all the details of our discouragement, but just to let you know that we have been low lately. Saturday was an awful day emotionally. Probably the most discouraged that Aaron and I have been in a long, long time.
People have asked us why we continued or why we even started, people have looked at us funny, people have openly discouraged us, and people have turned up their noses at us. What they don't see is the happiness we are getting. Almost like we know a secret and I keep trying to tell people at church, but they don't believe that were not crazy, that we will be the blessed ones. We will be the happy ones. Perhaps God wanted us to get to the lowest point to see if we still continued even if we knew that He was the only one that would help us and encourage us.
When things would go bad, I would think, there are two choices - either God is not wanting us to adopt, or Sata.n is not wanting us to adopt. Which is it" Well, I would got to my Bible and read what God says about taking care of the orphans. How could God not want us to continue?
I would pray "God, you know our income, I know you want me to home school and you want me home as much as possible. You are giving us a job that is not possible in earthly terms. Either I work constantly and go against what you and I both know you want for our family or we go under. You are going to have to step in at some point. I know you sent us on this journey, and we aren't quitting, but HELP!!!
I don't think you realize the difference you have made.
Last Sunday night, Aaron and I drove separate to Church services so that I could go straight to the store and he could come home and watch the Superbowl. Aaron had the girls in the van when I decided to get out and drive the jeep, so unusually, I was alone in the car. Aaron left right before me. For a whole mile down the road I kept hearing weird rattling noises under the hood.
When I stopped in the middle of the road I heard a cat wailing. It wouldn't stop. Uh-oh!
So I got out and looked under the jeep and right in the middle I could see one of our cat's bottoms hanging from the jeep and it's tail just a swishing. I couldn't get to the cat, it apparently couldn't get out. I felt bad, but figured it was going to die anyway, no sense in letting it suffer longer. I tried to call Aaron to see if he could come back and fix the problem and I could drive the kids, but he didn't answer his cell phone.
So I got back in and started to drive again and saw the cat in the road limping off. I turned around to see if I could help it. When I got out of the car, she limped into the forest and I couldn't see her. It was after dark and I wasn't about to go searching in the forest alone at night for a cat that was going to die.
I went to church hoping that the guilt wasn't written on my face ( this was Hannah's cat Krystal).
I told Aaron. The kids didn't mention the missing cat all week (we have 5 others, I guess they didn't notice)
What do you know, but Friday night, there was Krystal, back in her spot on the porch. One front leg it sliced deep, but healed over. Her paw is curled up and she doesn't stretch it out or put weight on it, but she can still jump to the railing to eat. I left her almost a mile from our house and she made it back 5 nights later, injured, probably starving, past a pack of 10 neighbor dogs and survived the coyotes and wild hogs.